Let’s face facts about marriage. “‘Til death us do part” makes a liar out of half of us before God or your dog groomer who got ordained online to marry you including both of your schnauzers in tuxes. In truth, our commitment to our dogs is more in keeping with that vow. If only there was a respectful way to euthanize a relationship that had run its course with each deaf and blind to the other where we gently cross the divorce rainbow bridge and move on to Mr. or Miss Poopsie II.
Love does not come with an expiration date like milk or nitrate free meats. And as anyone who has had food poisoning knows, there is a danger to push past that marker. But is there only satisfaction in love which lasts forever? Some love stories may be a grand novel while others only a haiku, but a carefully crafted haiku can be extremely satisfying. I do draw the brevity line at a hashtag #relationshipgoals although sometimes #dick does tell the whole story.
There is nothing more enthralling than a rich relationship which spans a lifetime, with twists and turns ending in a couple’s deeper understanding of the other and devotion to mutual goals. But sometimes love may only be a chapter. It may be titled “The summer of 2014” or “Opposites attract … until the rent is due,” or “She saw me as the man I always wanted to be but couldn’t.”
Still other flames may burn bright but burn out. Brief however does not exclude depth or memorability of experience. (This is not to be confused with images in film or television of the newly acquainted couple who are banging in a rest room which is more appropriately seen as an EMT training video of back strain than great passion.) Sometimes a love life can be composed of transformative relationships which make us feel alive and understood and embraced. It may not be a soul mate but a soul moment, a certain person in a certain place in time which transcends the corporeal world.
A magical snowy night in Aspen being ridden home on a bike. An old-school romantic who gently moved to the streetside and smiled when I knew exactly what that gentlemanly gesture meant. A sports star who discussed the classics in the bath. The cute guy at the lodge who consented to a fifteen-minute committed relationship so I had someone to kiss at midnight. The Brit who brought me back to life and into my body when I had all but given up on love. Simply and beautifully being present.
The past and the future stab love in the jugular. Disappointments and expectations are dangerous on both ends of the time continuum. Clean slates are hard to come by as we know from every Real House Wives Reunion. Yet present loves shouldn’t pay for the sins of the past loves as they may surprise and delight you. And if you take responsibility for your own happiness and expectations then your loving partner can only add to it.
For marriage maybe we should look to pagans. The ceremony for marriage or “handfasting” as they call it, includes the vow, “As long as the love shall last.” Is it possible that we (and Skippy who ran off after the squirrel with the wedding bands tied to his tux collar) would feel more comfortable with that promise? If the pressure of forever was lifted? That our love story is not about the word count (spaces included) but the choice of words?
It doesn’t seem too much to ask so we can once again say “I do” without calling for a hose because our pants are on fire.
