Do you ever think to yourself, “This isn’t where I thought I’d be at this point in my life?” Do you feel truly alone in the world? After a medical procedure, is your emergency contact your Uber driver? Is the only positive thing that happened today that you guessed Wordle in two tries? Was your brilliant pitch of the Wicker Casket with the tag line, “Death is no picnic,” poorly received? Do you feel stuck? Is there a stack of brilliant books that sit unread while you binge-watch crime drama on Netflix? When was the last time you saw a sunset? (Instagram doesn’t count.) How quickly can you recall a memory of total joy and bliss? How many of those don’t include wine? How much of your information do you get from social media? Do you think people in general are decent? Is your closest relationship in terms of physical contact with your couch? Where does the voice in your head come from that says good things don’t happen to you?
For everyone who is in the same boat, there are enough of us that, as they say in “Jaws,” “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
I am all for a full-blown pity party, including a petting zoo, but after a point, you have to find a path forward. Instead of asking, “How did I get here?” maybe ask, “So what am I going to do about it?”
I do have a significant otter. And no, that is not a typo. He is an otter, a stuffed otter, who is an amazing support animal, but not terribly helpful in a crisis, although he is able to hold my bottle of beer. I find myself often pulling myself up by my own bootstraps. (But take note that that is technically impossible and the original phrase was from a physics lesson and was meant to be sarcastic.)
We like to think of ourselves as strong, but as I was bent over in back pain, barely able to walk, going ironically into the “walk-in” clinic, I thought, “Oh my God, I look like Mrs. Wiggins.” Laughing only made it hurt worse. For those of you unfamiliar with this cultural reference (although it is on TikTok), it was a character played by Carol Burnett who walked slightly stooped at the speed of a glacier. All my yoga and turmeric and green tea-tinis hadn’t prevented the return of this chronic condition after an accident where I was rear-ended (people stop texting and driving!) It’s bad enough when we sabotage ourselves, but worse when we feel dissed at the hands of fate.
Life is a cycle of constant change, and even though we may hit that target weight, get kudos for a project, or find a partner whose emotional baggage can fit in a carry-on and enjoys watching all six seasons of “Downton Abbey” plus the two movies, those moments of contentment may not last.
In a down cycle, ask your higher self a specific request to a specific problem. It may not be a solution, but a step (albeit painful) in the right direction. Get out of your comfort, or more aptly, your discomfort zone.
Ghost your couch. Find something in the community that you care about and join in. We are blessed with art, music, theater, and plenty of not-for-profits that would love you to volunteer. Ask for help. If you can’t afford a bouquet, buy a single rose. Feeling weak? Start with one-pound weights and chair yoga.
I love my good Brit Box detective series with great accents and all that CCTV, but the plethora of stories of dead girls are not good for your head. If you have trouble reading, listen to something on audio. Dance, don’t judge. Ditch the pizza and pick up fresh vegetables from the local farm stand. Let someone pull out in traffic. Say thank you. Touch your toes just because you can. Bring your significant otter to Otter Pond to commune with its brethren or maybe just an angry swan. Take one moment of gratitude for the things in your life that go well for you. And maybe, on a good day, with or without the Talking Heads in the background, take a look at how you got here and, more importantly, where you want to go.
