“I used the same divorce attorney as Kim Kardashian. I dated an assassin. I fell in love with the man in the next seat on a plane to Paris.” You remember the game two truths and a lie? Well, I always win. The first two statements are true and the last is not true… yet. I am headed to Paris in November so you never know. While I may not have had the single great love of my life with a long marriage and fabulous kids, I have certainly had adventures.
Few have had a crisp, clean cotton shirt journey through love. Mine has been torn, stitched together, stapled in a pinch, with an unidentified stain I could never get out. My love life would come back from the dry cleaner with the note, “Sorry we tried our best.”
I have been with men who put me on a pedestal, lied to me, laid a coat down over a puddle in the street so I would not get my stilettos wet, brought me tuberoses, rubbed my feet, remodeled my kitchen, carried my dead dog, held me during an earthquake, promised to love me until the day they died then didn’t, crashed my car, woke me to go howl at the moon, broke up with me with a note on the mirror written in my best lipstick, taught me how to shoot guns, praised my tiramisu, drove me to ecstasy, stole my joy, were famous, were infamous, were generous, were cheap dicks, painted my toenails, kept secrets, spoke to me in pig Latin, hit on our couples counselor, sang my praises at dinner parties, called me baby, left me a bullet, surprised me with a hot air balloon ride, read me the classics in a bubble bath, saw only my halo, wondered how the retractable devil horns worked, been a lady killer, been an actual killer, almost killed me, made me want to live forever.
Are we better for it in the end to share a soul with another or to closely guard it for ourselves? Is that husband the be all and end all? I have seen young women marry older rich men only in the end to be so hardened that their cheekbones could slice lemons by the time the money was theirs. I have also seen single women always looking over their shoulder, never listening to the present conversation, unable to complete themselves. A duet or a solo – at what cost to be out of tune with yourself? To be without someone or with the wrong person, regret either way is the hobgoblin of happiness.
Here is the universal truth: on some days, the good ones, it is amazing to be with a partner and amazing to be on your own. What are you aware of? Or to be grammatically correct, of what are you aware? It is not necessarily the monumental moments, the mind-blowing sex, the perfect wedding, the last-minute trip you could do because you had no one to say no to it, the pinnacle of success you reached all on your own. It is more likely you recall his hand gently pushing your hair behind your ear and singing, “You are my sunshine…” just because he knows it warms your heart or when you put your feet in the ocean and say, “Well done me,” because you know you have put yourself first. We live in a critical culture which does not ask us to know our own hearts but to conform to standards based on fear of the love road not taken.
Here is what I know. I have made good choices. I have made bad choices. I wish the good choices lasted longer and the bad choices took up less time. At this point in my life, I am totally complete on my own, and I am ready for the next great love of my life. Whatever the adventure is… bring it on!
