While The Clash, Mennonites, and women on the East End don’t have a lot in common, the theme of “Should I stay or should I go?” still resonates. At the Hamptons International Film Festival, which coincides with National Domestic Violence Awareness month, films delved into the issue of abuse and how women make difficult decisions on how best to survive their dangerous situations. The film “Women Talking” adapted from Miriam Toews’ acclaimed novel written and directed by Sarah Polley features a powerhouse cast of women who portray wives, mothers, and daughters in an isolated religious colony with widespread sexual abuse. Can you remain faithful to your faith when such horrors are condoned? Even if you will not stand up for yourself, would you stand up to protect your child? And what are the consequences of speaking and acting on your truth? As these women, almost all of whom are illiterate, debate whether to cast their X on the vote to do nothing, stay and fight, or leave, a fascinating dialogue emerges. Important nuances are noted, such as the difference between leaving and “fleeing.” While the fight might feel satisfying for the victims to confront their abusers, would it be worth dying for? And if deciding to leave, would that eliminate the danger or introduce new and unknown dangers? I won’t spoil the ending, but it is well worth watching the film to realize that most of these decisions are not black and white.
Jump cut from cape dressed women in a barn, to stylish Hamptons ladies on Newtown Lane and you have “The Power of Community: How One Town Stood Against Domestic Violence.” Directed by Markie Hancock this documentary details the birth of The Retreat, a women’s shelter on the East End, shining a light on the dark side of a privileged community and the bravery of those who rose to confront it. The film chronicles the beginnings of The Retreat, which opened in 1992 in a community which adhered to a “it couldn’t be happening here,” mentality. The three women who tell their stories speak of their own isolation and terror set against the glittering backdrop of the picturesque high-end setting. What emerges is a fascinating tale of empowerment when sometimes unlikely advocates emerge. It was originally the Rotary Club which helped get initial funding for The Retreat along with the town of East Hampton and during the process had their eyes opened to the problem of abuse in their own backyard.
There is no one “face” of domestic abuse. These women who had come from successful careers and loving upbringings began to questions themselves. The film points out that signs of abuse may be more subtle than a black eye. Does their partner tell them that they should not visit their friends or family? That they should not spend money? That they should quit their job? That they should not have their own assets? Do they feel they have to be secretive about their communication? Gaslighting is real and women since Eve have been made to think they are the crazy ones or to blame.
The documentary is a powerful testament to The Retreat and the many ways it serves the community from a 24 hour multi lingual hotline to individual and group counseling, legal support, a residential shelter for adults and children, resource navigation and also very important violence prevention education programs. “The Power of Community” is a moving and empowering film, and the first-hand accounts of the three survivors tell us all while there are many considerations, physical, emotional and financial, The Clash may have had it right that, “If I go, there will be trouble. And if I stay it will be double.” And whether it is through the power of fellow women circling the wagons or organizations like The Retreat, when you go, you are not alone.
The Retreat: allagainstabuse.org
