We live in a culture that has created the idea that if we aren’t happy 24/7 then we are not living an authentic fulfilled life.
I’m here to tell you this just is not true. Hopefully, this alleviates some pressure or angst many of us feel for not measuring up on the happiness meter. Now let discuss what happiness is, is not, and how you can cultivate it to feel more alive and have more moments of happy.
Happiness is an emotion. Like all emotions its occurrence should not be eternal but fleeting. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines happiness as: a state of well-being and contentment: joy or a pleasurable or satisfying experience. The use of the words state and experience both refer to the fact that happiness is a specific time period not an endless encounter and joy well that’s something else entirely. (More on that later.)
So how did we get here and why is the definition of happiness still under so much debate?
“Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness,” according to the writers of the US Declaration of Independence happiness is an inherent right. However, in the context of when the declaration was written happiness was a broader term used to support and foster contribution to society / civic duty in contrast to today’s version which is more aligned with the pursuit of personal pleasure.
The word happy dates to the late 14th century from the Middle English word hap, which means “chance,” “luck,” or “fortune.” So early predecessors thought to be happy was by chance and given the uncertainty and scarcity they endured happiness was indeed reserved for a very small class of individuals.
In Sweden the number one ranked country according to The World Happiness Report they define happiness using the term “Lagom” (pronounced “lah-gom”) which translates to mean a combination of: “just right, just enough, moderation, gentle, moderately.” This is their happy! Well, I don’t know about you but this concept sounds a lot more like choosing a simpler balanced existence which in turn creates room for more fulfillment and kindness to self and others leading to an outcome of well; more happiness.
There have been multiple studies conducted on twins over the years that suggest 30 to 40 percent of happiness is genetics and the remainder is influenced by our environment. So, it seems some of us are less genetically wired to experience happiness in abundance while others have a bit more affinity to experience it. This however does not mean you are doomed to a life of gloom. Here comes the new super-heroes of science epigenetics and neuroplasticity which simple means all of us can achieve happiness if we are willing to invest in it.
The first steps to moving toward more happiness is to define what it means for yourself and your family. Since happiness is in fact subjective. This is a freeing idea as no one can measure your happiness by their own as we all carry within us our own narrative. So, stop measuring and start creating.
Start asking what happiness feels like for you and explore the things that might be keeping you from feeling that way more often. Start with the small every day in the here and now. What can I do today that would add more satisfaction in my life? What are some positive things I have already in my life? What are things I feel conflict with or hinder more happy feelings or outcomes in my life now? Look, we all have things we can’t change and can’t go back and fix yet we can choose how we move forward even within our own trauma. By starting with defining and questioning we can open the door to personal responsibility and uncover a new path to experiencing more happiness.
There are three components of happiness that have been around since Aristotle first wrote his famous Nicomachean Ethics that make up happiness or in modern psychology subjective well-being (SBW). They represent a philosophical reduction of centuries of questioning and searching. I took some liberty here to make them useful and relevant. Strive to find a sense of contentment within your life from the small daily accomplishments thru the big milestones, create and carry an unwavering knowing of optimism even within times of darkness, and understand that difficult times will occur yet if we exercise the first two areas the times which challenge us can be meet with more compassion, understanding and action rather than limitation.
A multigenerational study called The Framingham Heart Study found that associating with friends and other people who are happy increases your happiness by a least 15 percent. So, by surrounding yourself by others who are motivated in the same direction of happiness you will help each other experience more happiness. Amazing! As the saying goes: “birds of a feather flock together.” Go out and find your birds.
Gratitude essential is the link which ties all the above concepts together. Neuroscience in the last two decades has uncovered that carrying an “attitude of gratitude” directly stimulates pathways and neurotransmitters that make us happier. With the continued practice of gratitude these pathways will develop over time a new way of connecting, leading to an overall sense and continued experiences of positive emotions and better resilience. Gratitude also fosters a positive reciprocal loop in our relationships. That’s a win-win.
Gratitude in a bigger sense sets the stage towards joy. Joy in my understanding is limitless; a knowing that is closer to faith. We can experience joy within our sadness and other emotions that come and go as a part of being human and having a human existence. To know joy is to know you are safe, supported, and loved. It contains all the elements that you need to confidently step into what is next to come. Joy and gratitude both look inward, and more happiness is the outcome and expression when the two come together. Gratitude + Joy = Happiness
So, the next time you hear or believe you just are not happy, stop measuring, know you can do something about it, learn be kind to yourself, surround yourself with people who lift you up and remember you are allowed moments to experience the emotions and richness of life. Use it as an opportunity to ask the hard questions and search for a smidge of gratitude in knowing you are alive, human, and deserving and that happy happens.
“Happiness is when what you think what you say and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“Happiness depends on ourselves.” – Aristotle
Among several specialties in the field of health, Dori Fortunato is a Doctor of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine with western and eastern herbal studies.