I have a friend whose downstairs neighbor was constantly screaming about her being too loud, even though she was rarely there, and the only noise was not a raucous party or late-night music but a podcast while cooking dinner. The neighbor even threatened her cleaning lady. My friend is very rational and was going to contact the HOA, but I said I had a pretty helpful deterrent I could lend her. A voodoo-cursed chicken foot.
She declined.
What do we do about our current state of anger, which ranges from mild annoyance to blood-boiling rage? It is difficult to stay calm and carry on when faced with daily onslaughts. Some people ask about my odd-looking headband, and I explain that it is just my diffuser of calming lavender oil.
I am not much of a turn-the-other-cheek person, unless it is to greet a handsome Frenchman or because my Better than a Facelift Blush has not been evenly applied. I better understand the desire for revenge, a dish best served cold, and in the Hamptons, with overpriced lobster salad.
But letting go of anger doesn’t have to mean forgiveness or turning a blind eye for an eye, it can simply mean that you do not wish to hold onto something that does not serve you. It would be satisfying when expressing our outrage if the recipient of our three-page single-spaced set of complaints responded with “You know, you are totally right on all counts… except that my dog is not ugly.” It just doesn’t work out that way because most people would rather fight than admit they are wrong.
Anger hasn’t always gone well for me. When my mother was in the ER for a stroke and being ignored, I marched up to the desk in a fury to demand action, a la Shirley MacLaine in “Terms of Endearment.” They gave me a funny look, and as my sister later told me, I had split my pants and my lacy thong was exposed. Apparently, anger makes your ass look fat.
There is an old saying, “The wheels of justice grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine.” Like in the rubble of the White House ballroom? My faith that ultimately justice will prevail has about as much luck in my mind as the cayenne, lemon, horseradish, and miso smoothie drunk on Tuesdays doing Tai Chi to “Shake Your Groove Thing” will make me lose weight.
However, I do believe in other rituals that can help deflect the rage. One is a symbolic mirror that simply reflects their own bad energy back at them. Another is to tie a red cord with all the anger in knots and cut it. In essence, they can’t get to you. Writing down what does not serve you that you wish to rid from your life and burning it (in a safe place like a sink — not in a gasoline-soaked pile of your ex’s Izod’s) is another. Sadly, your sense of justice may not mean anything to others, so put them in the rear mirror and keep your eyes on your own prize. But maybe keep that chicken foot in your reinforced, stitched back pocket.
Looking to my own future, be sure to follow me @hamptonsheather for some exciting upcoming news.
